Ok, for the record-and in our defense-we don't make fun of everyone. Brandi and I don't make fun of the mentally challenged, or people with real problems. We don't bash the ugly. We don't poke fun of the fat girls. Hell, I am a fat girl.
(The same cannot be said for our menfolk, however. Though I did think it was funny that he got kicked out. )
What we DO make fun of, are the bad choices that people make. Seriously, people. Some things just should not happen, and if they must, then they definitely should not happen in public.
With our Disney trip coming up, I know from experience what I have in store in my near future. And it ain't pretty. (We also don't use the word "ain't" but these are desperate times, people!) It is amazing what people will wear to these parks. And this is not a certain type or size or shape of person I'm talking about here. All shapes, sizes and classes of people are guilty here.
We have seen women in 5 inch heels, large women in teeeeny-tiny little spandex pants, and grandma's with belly button rings. Once there was a woman up ahead wearing daisy duke shorts, a string bikini top, and of course high heeled shoes. Sounds bad, right? Yeah, well she turns around and, no kidding- this woman had to be 75 years old. Her stomach was as wrinkled as Mother Teresa's face. This is just not right.
It got to the point where we came up with a list of "violations". A guideline, if you will, of what we think should be basic theme park clothing etiquette. The things that no one should have to be told, but unfortunately need to be - like don't wear your bra as a top, please wear undies if you must wear white shorts, you get the idea.
Check back soon. We will post The List of Violations soon. Feel free to practice them at all times. For all of us. And if we get a chance, we might even share a photo or two of some of these interesting folks.
~Toni~
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Troll-y, Troll-y, Troll-y
So I am sitting at work the other day and I get this email from my boyfriend, Doug:
Doug: Have you ever seen someone so freaking ugly that you lose all self control, filter, and knowledge of your where-a-bouts and scream uncontrollably? I am banned from Wal-mart...
**********************************************
This was sent to my mom and me, so you know this prompted some questions. Here is how the rest of that conversation went:
Mom: OMG, I have to know what happened!?!? And more importantly - did you take a picture of it?
Me: You are lying!!! You got banned from Wal-mart?
Doug: No picture, seriously I didn’t want to break my phone…
I was walking down an isle, minding my own business, and this midget, leper, albino, redheaded troll (sorry, I am unable to accurately portray this thing) almost runs into me… Stunned and breathless, I back up… It then smiles at me, showing me the only fang inside its mouth and follows me… several expletives, dry heaving, and uncontrollable outburst later, I am asked to leave… though they did admit they were too afraid to ask it to leave… I am not a hateful person and typically don’t tell people to their face how ugly they are (I only talk about it behind their back…)… But, damn… words can’t even describe this thing and to have it follow/stalk you is just just just... shit!
Me: This happened??? For real??? I am dying here!! You were actually asked to leave Wal-mart? That takes some work.
Doug: Yes, they made me leave Wal-Mart… You think I made this shit up??? I don’t have that f’d up of an imagination… you know how you find yourself starring at fugly people? You do not want to stare at this thing, you’ll wish you hadn’t looked the first time…
Me: OMG!!! I am on a conference call and I am snorting I am laughing so hard!!! I had to mute my line. This has got to be the best story ever!!!!
Doug: Someone had to have brought that thing in on a leash or something… If so, where the hell was the owner??? Why did they let it wonder around on its own???
Mom: Shut up!! LMAO!! You were not asked to leave Wal-Mart!
Doug: Yes, yes I was… and even escorted (but I think that is because they wanted to get away from it too)… They told me to leave and I told them great, make sure that thing doesn’t follow me! The guy asking me to leave even talked about how ugly she was, but I’m “not supposed to repeat it”.
Me: You didn’t tell me you were escorted when I talked to you!! That makes this even more funny!!!
Doug: He just walked with me and we were talking… it’s not like he grabbed me or anything…
Me: All the same, you were walked out of the store!
Doug: He even stuttered when he saw it… that right there ought to tell you something!
Me: Do you think they were mentally retarded?
Doug: Are you kidding me??? I didn’t quiz it for a better understanding of its mental capacity…
Me: You can generally tell if someone is retarded by their actions.
Doug: Have you not read any of my emails???? YES, IT HAD TO BE RETARDED!!! IT WAS SO RETARDED IT WAS CLINICALLY DEAD!
Mom: NO. You did NOT curse out a retarded person! NO.
What if she was lost? Thought you looked friendly, helpful? Thought you looked like her daddy?
Doug: Oh that’s messed up, I may be ugly, but if I had a kid that looked like that I would drop it off at wal-mart… Ha, curiosity extinguished!
I wasn’t cursing at them, I was cursing with them!
Mom: Yep, there you go. You figured out what it was doing there.
And she didn't get escorted out, right? So it sounds like you weren't cursing WITH her. LMAO. Oh, I have GOT to come and hear this in person. I'm bringing Jon. Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
*************************************************
I don't care who you are, this shit is funny! I laughed so hard I was snorting...all while on a conference call. It was a fun day...
Doug: Have you ever seen someone so freaking ugly that you lose all self control, filter, and knowledge of your where-a-bouts and scream uncontrollably? I am banned from Wal-mart...
**********************************************
This was sent to my mom and me, so you know this prompted some questions. Here is how the rest of that conversation went:
Mom: OMG, I have to know what happened!?!? And more importantly - did you take a picture of it?
Me: You are lying!!! You got banned from Wal-mart?
Doug: No picture, seriously I didn’t want to break my phone…
I was walking down an isle, minding my own business, and this midget, leper, albino, redheaded troll (sorry, I am unable to accurately portray this thing) almost runs into me… Stunned and breathless, I back up… It then smiles at me, showing me the only fang inside its mouth and follows me… several expletives, dry heaving, and uncontrollable outburst later, I am asked to leave… though they did admit they were too afraid to ask it to leave… I am not a hateful person and typically don’t tell people to their face how ugly they are (I only talk about it behind their back…)… But, damn… words can’t even describe this thing and to have it follow/stalk you is just just just... shit!
Me: This happened??? For real??? I am dying here!! You were actually asked to leave Wal-mart? That takes some work.
Doug: Yes, they made me leave Wal-Mart… You think I made this shit up??? I don’t have that f’d up of an imagination… you know how you find yourself starring at fugly people? You do not want to stare at this thing, you’ll wish you hadn’t looked the first time…
Me: OMG!!! I am on a conference call and I am snorting I am laughing so hard!!! I had to mute my line. This has got to be the best story ever!!!!
Doug: Someone had to have brought that thing in on a leash or something… If so, where the hell was the owner??? Why did they let it wonder around on its own???
Mom: Shut up!! LMAO!! You were not asked to leave Wal-Mart!
Doug: Yes, yes I was… and even escorted (but I think that is because they wanted to get away from it too)… They told me to leave and I told them great, make sure that thing doesn’t follow me! The guy asking me to leave even talked about how ugly she was, but I’m “not supposed to repeat it”.
Me: You didn’t tell me you were escorted when I talked to you!! That makes this even more funny!!!
Doug: He just walked with me and we were talking… it’s not like he grabbed me or anything…
Me: All the same, you were walked out of the store!
Doug: He even stuttered when he saw it… that right there ought to tell you something!
Me: Do you think they were mentally retarded?
Doug: Are you kidding me??? I didn’t quiz it for a better understanding of its mental capacity…
Me: You can generally tell if someone is retarded by their actions.
Doug: Have you not read any of my emails???? YES, IT HAD TO BE RETARDED!!! IT WAS SO RETARDED IT WAS CLINICALLY DEAD!
Mom: NO. You did NOT curse out a retarded person! NO.
What if she was lost? Thought you looked friendly, helpful? Thought you looked like her daddy?
Doug: Oh that’s messed up, I may be ugly, but if I had a kid that looked like that I would drop it off at wal-mart… Ha, curiosity extinguished!
I wasn’t cursing at them, I was cursing with them!
Mom: Yep, there you go. You figured out what it was doing there.
And she didn't get escorted out, right? So it sounds like you weren't cursing WITH her. LMAO. Oh, I have GOT to come and hear this in person. I'm bringing Jon. Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
*************************************************
I don't care who you are, this shit is funny! I laughed so hard I was snorting...all while on a conference call. It was a fun day...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
You have got to be kidding me!!!!
So I am driving down the street today and get stopped at a stop light. Whilst I am waiting for the light to change, I happen to glance at the person next to me. I am appalled and disgusted to see that they are picking their nose. I am not talking about a discreet fingering here, they were really going at it. ELBOW DEEP PEOPLE, ELBOW DEEP!!! WTF!??!? Do people think that when they get in their car, they are suddenly surrounded by a cloak of invisibility? WE CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU DISGUSTING PIG!!!
I wonder what these people do with the goods that they find in their nose. Do they wipe it on the passenger seat? Flick it across the car? Wipe it on their clothes? Then I wonder, how many people have done this and then shake hands with someone before washing their hands? How many of these people have I shook hands with unknowlingly? I decided that we should enact a law that requires these nose picking offenders to be on a list. This list would be made public for all to view so we are well informed before shaking hands with these people, resulting in a forceful booger residue exchange. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE IN THE KNOW!!!
Booger List:
1. Person in car next to me today.
2. (add additional offenders here)
I wonder what these people do with the goods that they find in their nose. Do they wipe it on the passenger seat? Flick it across the car? Wipe it on their clothes? Then I wonder, how many people have done this and then shake hands with someone before washing their hands? How many of these people have I shook hands with unknowlingly? I decided that we should enact a law that requires these nose picking offenders to be on a list. This list would be made public for all to view so we are well informed before shaking hands with these people, resulting in a forceful booger residue exchange. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE IN THE KNOW!!!
Booger List:
1. Person in car next to me today.
2. (add additional offenders here)
Leave me alone!!!
Ok, so my mom and I have been talking about starting up a blog to discuss our every day occurances with people that piss us off!! How did we come up with this idea you ask? You see, we have been reading these books by Jen Lancaster. She has become our mentor. She is exactly like us!! She says what she is thinking, gets irritated at the same things, but she put it all in a book for people to read.
One of the many conversations about this blog took place not too long ago over email. I have posted that email chain here so you know what you can expect from us:
Mom:
I understand addiction now.
As I am in the ghetto a little while ago, standing in line to pay for mine, right behind the guy who's ordering a fourth of a pound of gizzards (and probably a fourth of a gram of crack), I'm reminded again of this blog that we should start, because of all the interesting things I would have had to say about that little visit to the local Valero.
Even though we are not famous, nor authors, and therefore the only two people in the world who would read it - imagine the fun we would have!
What better way to share our hatred of the world?
...and yes, I am totally high on the sweet, sweet taste of my Diet Coke.
Me:
Well then let's do it!
Mom:
I can set it up, I've done one before. Orrrr... we can set it up when we are together.
Me:
Whatever is easier for you.
Mom:
It's easy, but you get to choose layout, font, colors, etc.
Me:
Yay!! I want pink in there!
Mom:
I agree! We're hateful and bitchy, not boys!
Me:
We could put some of “rules” out there to intrigue people to the sight.
Mom:
Yes... I like rules...
Something like "Read this or we will stab you" ? haha
Me:
No silly. Like “Just say no to spandex.”
Mom:
I will still stab them, though.
Please know that while we truly want to stab people sometimes for their sheer stupidity, we will never act on it.
Welcome to our blog!!!
One of the many conversations about this blog took place not too long ago over email. I have posted that email chain here so you know what you can expect from us:
Mom:
I understand addiction now.
As I am in the ghetto a little while ago, standing in line to pay for mine, right behind the guy who's ordering a fourth of a pound of gizzards (and probably a fourth of a gram of crack), I'm reminded again of this blog that we should start, because of all the interesting things I would have had to say about that little visit to the local Valero.
Even though we are not famous, nor authors, and therefore the only two people in the world who would read it - imagine the fun we would have!
What better way to share our hatred of the world?
...and yes, I am totally high on the sweet, sweet taste of my Diet Coke.
Me:
Well then let's do it!
Mom:
I can set it up, I've done one before. Orrrr... we can set it up when we are together.
Me:
Whatever is easier for you.
Mom:
It's easy, but you get to choose layout, font, colors, etc.
Me:
Yay!! I want pink in there!
Mom:
I agree! We're hateful and bitchy, not boys!
Me:
We could put some of “rules” out there to intrigue people to the sight.
Mom:
Yes... I like rules...
Something like "Read this or we will stab you" ? haha
Me:
No silly. Like “Just say no to spandex.”
Mom:
I will still stab them, though.
Please know that while we truly want to stab people sometimes for their sheer stupidity, we will never act on it.
Welcome to our blog!!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
hello.....?
"......chirp, chirp.........chirp, chirp..........chirp,chirp......"
This is the sound of silence as I wait for Brandi to make her first post......
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